TOUGHLOVE Philosophy

How we work

• We are a parent support group – parents meet for peer support.
• We deal in behaviour, not in emotions, even though emotions are considered and respected.
• We do not act as professional counsellors - each group can recommend helpful professionals from their own resource lists.
• We have no affiliations with any religious, or political groups.
• We can give you no immediate answers to your problems, what we can do is show you that you are not alone, that and you have rights and worth and deserve to be treated with respect.
• We have a “process for change” because what we were doing before was not working. Nothing changes if nothing changes! We cannot change others, only ourselves.
  
• We offer support to help you to make changes - first for yourself and your wellbeing - then for your teenager. We give no guarantees.
  
• We do not tell you what to do. We can give suggestions, hope and sharing. There are no prescriptions: you make your own plans and get support from the group to follow through with your decisions. If you don't know what to do we can help brainstorm and provide our collective experience.
  

We ask three things of you

1. That you use the TOUGHLOVE materials so we are all speaking the same language.
2. That you allow yourself time to see how TOUGHLOVE works. Please plan, initially, to come to at least six consecutive weekly session.
3. And because we are a support group, not a service, that you give back support to others when you can.

What is TOUGHLOVE?

• TOUGHLOVE is a non-profit, educational organisation offering self-help materials to parents, kids in trouble and the professionals working for them... it works!
• TOUGHLOVE is an effective self-help program for the parents of unruly young people.
• We empower parents and young people to accept responsibility for their actions and to stop destructive behaviours.
  
• We help parents to regain control of homes and lives, making communities safer places in which to live.
• TOUGHLOVE is a combination of philosophy and action which, together, can help you gain positive control of your home again.
• TOUGHLOVE is a network of parents helping kids – of parents and professionals working together – to bring change into the lives of young people.

What TOUGHLOVE is not

• TOUGHLOVE does not advocate or support physical or verbal abuse.
• TOUGHLOVE does not advocate or support kicking kids out – we give our kids options that protect their safety and our responsibility, even though the reality is that they may not choose our options.

• You and your spouse argue about your teenager’s behaviour
• You have withdrawn from your spouse
• Your spouse has withdrawn from you
• You have not recently had a peaceful nights sleep
• You hate to hear the phone ring when your teenager is not home
• You or your spouse lost time from work because of your teenager

• High?
• Unreasonably late?
• Drunk?

• Overnight?
• For two days?
• For a week?
• For more than a week?

• Verbally?
• Physically to the house or furniture?
• Physically to anyone in the family?
• Physically to other people in the community?
• In school?
• With the police?

• Been lazy?
• Absent without your knowledge?
• Missed classes?
• Been suspended?
• Have you been called by the school?

• Received a summons?
• Received fines or tickets?
• Been involved in accidents?
• Been charged with drug incidents?
• Been charged with drinking incidents?
• Been arrested?

How many items have you ticked?
Are you satisfied with the way things are?
Do you believe that a crisis may be developing?
Do you believe that you are in crisis now?

DON’T FEEL BAD, GET MAD! 
THEN USE YOUR ANGER TO MAKE CONSTRUCTIVE CHANGES.

• TOUGHLOVE An Overview
• Crisis assessment (school age)
• Crisis assessment (adult)